Year 2016.

I am 30 years old and I am the happy mother of a little girl, born in the first days of January. Important changes take place in our lives: we are parents for the first time and we move to a new city. I start to feel a lot of fatigue and headache , present throughout my pregnancy do not leave me. A baby, a move, breastfeeding difficult to put in place ... Fatigue seems quite all normal. I therefore do not worry more and count on time to alleviate my exhaustion. Come the dizziness, punctually. I notice that they are particularly strong during menstruation.

My baby sleeps next to me and I am taken with violent dizziness, similar to a state of drunkenness, which make me unable to hold him in my arms. My husband and I are starting to take these symptoms seriously and I consult the first doctor who can receive me , having not found a doctor accepting patient again in our new city.

I present my symptoms, I am told of Benin paroxysmal syndrome. I gave birth two months ago, moved and soon resume work. Nothing to worry therefore. The following month, the dizziness returns with vomiting in jet this time. I consult a second doctor, who confirms the first diagnosis; Benin paroxysmal syndrome. I resumed my work, I have a baby, I moved . I get to say that fatigue is normal. Yet dizziness, fatigue, headache and vomiting come back every month, and are stronger each time. I consult a third doctor who takes my symptoms seriously and suspect a tumor of the inner ear. She writes a prescription for me to pass an MRI. We are in June 2016, the meeting is in September.

September 16, 2016, MRI Day, the ax falls . The radiologist talks to me about a brain tumor . "Here, we have excellent neurosurgeons you will see, your attending physician will explain everything to you." I only hear one thing: "You die" . I leave with my shots under my arm, my mind confused by the radiologist's speech. I am alone, my husband is on a business trip and I have to collect my baby from the maternal assistant. I perform my daily tasks and take care of my daughter, as if the results of the MRI did not exist. I go to work the next day and make an appointment with the one who will become my doctor the next evening. She explains the shots of MRI to me: there is indeed a brain tumor, clearly visible on MRI results. I must make an appointment with a neurosurgeon, who will explain the consequences to me. I cannot be received for a week later. A week when my husband and I are alone with this diagnosis: brain tumor, meningioma of the left posterior pit . In 2016, we had no information on meningiomas, its causes and its consequences. Only some information could be found on the internet, and it was not a good omen. So I prepare for the worst. I prepare to leave, leaving an orphan a 9 month old girl whom I had just gave birth to.

We live this week of waiting in another dimension, reclusive, and I understand how the life of each of us is only holding a thread. The neurosurgeon receives us and explains to us that the tumor has a "sympathetic" location, in the medical sense of the term, and can be removed in its entirety. The operation is scheduled 3 weeks later.

October 11, 2016, Operation Day. I am hospitalized the day before and until 10 p.m., I have no information on the progress of my operation. The neurosurgeon takes the time to answer all my questions and reassures me. I have confidence in his know-how, it is necessary anyway. I still remember this very particular feeling of the moment when I am transported to the operating room. A nebulous state, the body no longer exists and the spirit walks very far from the walls of the hospital. I'm afraid I never wake up of this heavy operation.

The awakening is done in intensive care. I am in a large room, under morphine. The night in intensive care is difficult, my head hurts and there is bustle next to me. I am in a second state because of the analgesics but I understand that another patient is not well and the medical profession is agitated in the next room.

Arriving in my hospital room, I have to wait for the physiotherapist for my first sunrise, which is going well. I cannot shower myself alone after the operation, a caregiver accompanies me and helps me to do the gestures. I am 30 years old and I am assisted to shower, it is a real cold shower . I see in her gaze that she understands my distress of the moment. She tries to divert my attention by initiating conversation subjects and is benevolent towards me.

I am happy to go home and hug my baby. My daughter works very well, better than when I left her a week ago.

I stay in the first days. My head always hurts me and there is a bloom on my scar. I hear liquid circulating in my head, my ears are blocked. The analgesics do nothing, I go back to consult. I am sent to emergencies to the hospital, it is a leakage of the spinal cephalo liquid and we fear meningitis. I am hospitalized for 3 days for a lumbar puncture. The situation does not improve, the neurosurgeon then decides to operate again for a recovery. Meninge no longer fulfilled its waterproofing role and leased the spinal ceousing fluid. I am explained to me that a synthetic household transplant is planned. We are November 11, 1 month day for the first operation. Upon awakening of this new operation, I am explained that the synthetic men'ge was not useful, a "natural" transplant was carried out by scraping the periosteum. I do not ask questions and do not look for more explanations, I am tired.

I go home a few days later. The fatigue is very present, I try to forget the last two months lived and to devote myself entirely to my daughter. Fatigue makes me a spectator of her developments and I feel guilty for not being able to take care of it as I should.

3 months later, I learn that I am pregnant . It is a nice surprise but my gynecologist tries to preserve me and advises us to wait for the next meeting with the neurosurgeon before investing in this pregnancy. In view of my predispositions to meningioma which is a hormone-dependent tumor, this pregnancy may not be able to be completed. My neurosurgeon welcomes the news and encourages me in this pregnancy, which would not exist if my body was not capable of it.

Amazing chance of the dates, I am announced the term pregnancy on October 11, 2017 . In 1 year, day to the day, the fear of death and the welcome of life will be faced.

My pregnancy is obviously tiring, but allows me to immediately bounce back and project myself into our future. Life resumes its course.

Since my operations, I keep pain/ discomfort according to the days in my scar and need regular sessions of physiotherapy for scar massages. I benefited from the LPG technique to soften the fabrics. The operated part of my head is like heavier and has a bone hollow. I feel the need for a pressure to be exerted on my skull. Imaged, I need "that we enter my head into the head". It's quite strange and singular as a sensation and I have to learn to live with it. As I was told recently, it is my "war wound" . I remain tiring following these two operations and notes an immediate memory disorder, even if the neuropsychological assessment does not confirm this disorder that my loved ones observe, however. I always practice my part -time therapeutic part -time professional activity today and have recognition of the quality of disabled worker (RQTH).

I will never know what caused my meningioma. The tumor's biospses revealed that the tumor tissues were soft and its age was estimated between 2 and 8 years old. When I was younger, I took the Diane 35 pill for 2 years and jasminel for about 5 years.

My annual control MRIs are encouraging. The 5 -year course having now passed, the next MRI is set in 3 years.

I hope I have definitely closed the chapter of meningioma. The tumor will have damaged much more than my skull but it will also have opened the door to another vision of life.