Hello everyone ????

On December 5, 2019 I spent a cerebral scanner because I made a discomfort with my Toubib a month earlier from the a big headache.
I spent this scanner on December 5 in the morning, I had lost the Ordo, I lost everything, I was exhausted ... I was a liberal nurse and I worked the day before the scanner but I started to do bullshit at work.

I still had my head in the machine when I see the radiologist arriving at me with a dirty head .. and there I understand that nothing is going well.
He tells me that I have tumors like "apricots" in the head.
He tells me to come to his cabin and shows me the clichés and explains everything to me: I have two tumors, the two brain hemispheres have moved, I am engaging, and I especially have two big brain edema that compromises my vital prognosis and the recovery capacity of my brain, and he starts to cry, I too collapse.
I knew and I felt deep down, for some time since I was dying, I went so bad ... but I couldn't do anything about it, I had big behavioral disorders, (total disinhibition on certain things !!!!!).
And so bad everywhere !! My nerves were compressed, but my Toubib thought of a fibromyalgia.

So the radiologist calls his colleague and a neurosurgeon friend on the field in front of me, and send me to see him in the hour.
The neurosurgeon therefore receives me within an hour.
He gives me neuro exams (standing, closing my eyes walk on the spot, etc.) everything is normal.
He said to me, "he became panicked for nothing the radiologist" laughing. Then he looks at the clichés and there, his face changes and he tells me that I am going to take me next week but before I will give me cortisone for a week to lower the cerebral edema.
He wants to keep me from hospital he calls a colleague but it costs too much ... so he sends me home for a week.
I am operated on December 11, 2019.
Everything is going on almost well apart from a big hematoma I am totally disfigured.
What I learn in post op is that my two tumors are on the optic nerves but the right eye was saved OUF !!!!!
The second tumor will be treated later in three or four years, told me the Chir, except that at the control MRI 6 months later it took 4 mm in a short time
I therefore did gammakniffe 10 months after the first operation.

The after -effects of the operation were heavy….
Important cognitive and executive disorders ...
I didn't know how to cook anymore, simple things were impossible, I lost myself in the supermarket ... I lost the notion of time and memory and I am epileptic
I no longer give up the present.
What happened yesterday seems to me very far and I only remember a game.
Fortunately, I have the photos of my children in the albums, it's the hardest for me…. Having lost memories with my children ????

I had important temporo-spatial disorientations ... but it goes very slowly to order.
I always do speech to work on brain plasticity.
I still progress !!!!
What helps me a lot is that I practice ethology with horses, which forces me to plan sessions with goals and objectives, so to have an abstract projection (and it is super difficult for my brain sometimes but I manage better and better !!)
and I have the support of my family, my children, my friends and my sophienette that I knew here on the asso! She often hears me cry! But laugh too and we tell ourselves our chaotic lives and our reconstructions !!
Solidarity in storms ???? and rays of sun ????
The path is long towards healing
we will never be the same after the removal of a meningioma.
You have to accept the unacceptable.

Life is no longer the same for me anyway.
More beautiful in some sides.
More difficult and unfair for others.
But I keep hope of getting better every day and also for all those operated and not operated.
Our brain has incredible resources and our souls too ????????????
Thanks to Emmanuelle and Sarah for their commitment so that things are moving for us all ??????????????????

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