Continuation of Corinne's testimony:
“You have to treat it”…
9 months after the announcement and its emotional tsunami, and 2 intervals ... here I am there ... at this second appointment with the neurosurgeon. As I have been waiting for myself since the exit of the imaging center and after hearing the radiologist assert me that the squatter had grown, it is not surprising that I hear the surgeon pronounce this sentence "you have to treat it". He explains to me that operating the meningiomas, it is his specialty in neurosurgery, that my case does not pose him problem ... Admittedly the location will require an opening of the right ear in the middle of the top of the skull at least. Why start on the right side rather than on the left side? To preserve my left brain which commands my right (I am right -handed). Ok and why this subtlety? Because there is a risk of loss of sensitivity or even paralysis on the opposite side by which it will make its way to reach the squatter. Ah, and small detail…. Risk of total loss of my smell: the left olfactory gutter is already invaded by the squatter and the probability that the neurosurgeon must cut the right olfactory nerve during the operation is very very important…. Ah, ok ... sure, to choose between losing my sight or losing smell, I prefer to lose smell; But all the same is it not nothing to feel anymore ... And the taste? It is the pair of smell ... To all these “small inconveniences” are added the cardiovascular risks linked to this type of intervention and the anesthesia that goes with…. And in addition there is a risk of epilepsy crisis, but that is already in fact by the simple presence of a meningioma (regardless of its volume and whether it is treated or not specified the doctors). Brief…. Do I have another option? Not that I doubt the skills of the neurosurgeon in front of me but it is my precious brain which it is question here ... I dare to ask the question (I have in mind the discussions of the Facebook group Amavea on the 2nd opinion when we speak operation). And "yes, maybe it is still possible for you to benefit from a treatment with radiochurgery, but for that it is necessary that I exchange with a colleague whose skills is more, because I do not practice this". Telephone exchange between the two neurosurgeons in front of me ... Distance from optical paths, tumor volume,…. It seems possible to be able to offer this treatment.
And it left for a small waiting tour, appointment in 1 month with the neurosurgeon who will practice radiosurgery. The day before this appointment I receive a letter from the CHU, for hospitalization in neurosurgery at the end of the month. Well it's “action-reaction”.
In three weeks I am there ... and despite the explanations of the neurosurgeon on the break of the stereotaxic framework and on the progress of my hospitalization and particularly the day of treatment will attenuate my anxieties. Radiochurgery is less heavy than the operation and the craniotomy, however I am afraid, a fear that invades me, which paralyzes me. I cry several times a day, I crack in the shower, letting my tears mix with the water ... I am taking advice that I read on the Amavea group. I make an appointment with a psychologist (but a time required, it will be for hospitalization), I exercise in sophrology and relaxation in music. But also, I put my sufferings on a notebook, and like memories I write everything, since this famous day when the violent headache overwhelmed me. I give you a part by my testimonies.
Hospitalization will be done the day before treatment until the next day at the end of the morning. Although made of waiting (block, MRI, scanner, treatment, etc.), this day was a marathon, physically and emotionally. I cannot share it with you, so I would have to write, certain moments having been terrible to live ... I only want to remember the positive: to focus on my breathing allowed me not to feel the pain at the time of the break of the frame, especially the 4 anesthetic bites on the forehead and the back of the skull. The time spent in the Gamma Knife tunnel will have been the most peaceful time of this day.
I came out saying that I would no longer call this meningiomal “my squatter” otherwise how could I manage to live with him ... I call him Khéops, because like a mummy, the rays will ratat it! I want to have confidence in this treatment, it will work!
He will stay there in my head like a mummy in his pyramid.
