To discover that we have a meningioma puts you, very often, in shock, a violent emotional shock.

Anyone going to spend an MRI is worried. I believe that when you have symptoms, you go with a big doubt, and you imagine, automatically "have a meningioma". On the other hand, when one has, like me, stopped your treatment for years, one can not consider this possible, by denial, optimism, hope and so on. And, when, moreover, we have no symptoms, we go there a little more confident. However, as long as the MRI is not achieved, we do not "know".

In any case, we cannot, as long as we do not live, represent what it will "do us", in the event that the examination reveals a tumor. A violent shock, of this type, is unpredictable. We can project ourselves, but never "as we will live", really. Each will face this traumatic event according to its personality, its resources and its history: no one can pretend to know in advance, how the announcement of a meningioma will materialize.

With hindsight, I think that we must prepare for this possibility, so that at least it "exists", in the field of possibilities, and trying as much as possible, to see MRI as a control, necessary and essential, as we do so many others. I went to my exam by saying that it was "not possible", in a fairly characteristic optimism of my person, and above all, I had the bad idea of ​​not being accompanied; What I did later when I took the advice of a first, then a second neurosurgeon. It would have avoided me to collapse in tears in the street, on the phone with my best friend, who had just said that she could come with me.

For my part, I am very surrounded, from doctors, to relatives, via colleagues. Another point: I am the “Saint-Bernard” of service, I am, in bulk: the one who makes a friendly friendly friendly laugh for heavy treatment; The one who supports a colleague in a difficult context of returning to work after a serious illness; The one who coaches her friend, harassed at work, during, and until her departure towards a new professional adventure; The one that is available, in all circumstances, and regardless of the gravity and duration of the situation ... except that there, it was I who took the shock of my life. The Saint-Bernard had to accept to be "fallible", weakened, and above all, helped!

This period is definitely my most atrocious "moment of life" so far; A state of stress and anxiety like I never thought I could feel it. My doctors were worried, my loved ones, devastated, and I literally believed "to die of fear". The worst scenarios were looping in my mind. I woke up every morning, panic, with "I have a tumor", and I was crying. I was no longer myself, and this nightmare continued until my first meeting with a neurosurgeon. From there, I started to see things differently. Before that, the shock: panic attack, sobs, black anger, amazement, aggressiveness towards my loved ones, sometimes, for nothing. Thank God, everyone understood. Intelligent people get in standby, and remain. The others do not have their place in a valid relationship.

At the first times, almost nothing, except, except, perhaps, to talk about it, who knew simply, listen to. The shock will pass, it is normal not to assimilate immediately. It's like a symbolic mourning process! It will be better, we advance day by day, and every day is enough his sentence. There will be ups and downs, tests, and it will be more or less long, but there is a way out. There is no better method, apart from the one that seems to you the most adequate. Living an emotional shock is an ordeal that we can "understand", but that no one will live in our place.

When I started my radiotherapy, this atrocious weight has faded, over the sessions. Since then, I am doing very well, I am as before, with "that in addition", in my story. Now, I help the association as I can, and make it known, because its support is invaluable.

Finally, if I may allow myself a last advice: temporarily flee the internet, after the announcement of meningioma. Do not try to dig at random, because you will add an unnecessary panic, to an already weakened psychological state. The association is there, to inform you, but also, to support you.