First of all to start, thank you for

Allow us to put words on our Emmanuelle Mignaton ailments.

This path, I have undertaken it many times, but as many times I have stayed there. Today if I decide to share with you again with my testimony, it is because I grew up, advanced, understood. However, despite all these keys, I am able to open the heavy door that definitively moves me away from my hell? No not yet. It is a long work of introspection, analyzes, and various readings.

Like you all, I had a meningioma. 7cm3 left parietal. I was operated on December 17, 2020. I am 51 years old. 8 years of Lutenyl.

Benin-everything is fine-it's nothing-it's in your head-you are depressed-it's nothing-you are fragile -have you thought about taking antidepressants-pain? 1 week madam - It's in your head - you are depressed - your tumor is small - in itself, it was a small operation madam - Madame tumors, I see every week -

The same words tirelessly. Again and again. So many words that insidiously build the weight of the evils that marks you with indelible ink. Hence the importance of choosing words. The good news of the existence of this cerebral squatter added to medical mistreatment made that in my house it was almost instantaneous:

- amazement

- dissociation

- mental leakage

The amazement prevents you completely from reacting since you no longer feel anything. You are completely disconnected. Physical and mental anesthesia.

The dissociation has made your emotional circuit disjected. It's like just watching a series on Netflix.

The mental flight takes you to a form of permanent avoidance.

I changed doctor, work dentist, post-operative neurosurgeon ...

I only took a preoperative opinion. I didn't take the time to take a second one. Big mistake…

At home, it was almost immediate. Severe post-traumatic stress:

• Drown state H24

• Nausea

• Headache

• Brain compression feeling

• Permanent cerebral fog

• Hyperacusia

• Memory disorder

• Difficulties to concentrate me

• Sensation of having your head in a vice

• Perception in erroneous space

• Sensation that the ground is hidden under my feet

•Photophobia

• Vagal discomfort

• Sensation of imminent death

• Severe insomnia

• Fear of falling asleep

• Inability to walk outside the house

•Agoraphobia

• Hyper vigilance

• Busades

Operated in Toulouse by a “teacher” who passed the success of the “little” intervention makes fun of your ailments which he always puts the responsibility of your mind. Since of course, I was weak. Do not let anyone make you believe that it is abnormal to feel vulnerable and fragile.

I will not insist on emotional care because there was none. I will not insist on the said tumor, because today it is no longer there.

On the other hand, it is nevertheless advisable to emphasize trauma. Who on the other hand, two and a half years later is still there. He was right on one point this teacher: it is indeed in my head! But as I often explain. It is much more complex than a simple swinged sentence, the “it is in your head” which lets you think that what you live is your fault. That it is you and you alone who inflict all of this. That you are guilty of ...

This is how I went from the victim to the culprit. What mental load to feel guilty in addition to being stolen from the cerebral. And the mental load?! Are we talking about it?! We must as usual that we are women, we are warriors. Learning that I had meningioma, a brain tumor was a real trauma. An emotional tsunami. The medical denial has only aggravated the situation and their denial to delay the identification of post-traumatic stress and therefore its management. And this for months ... and months.

Which of course complicates healing today.

My mental leak lasted a good time ... In parallel, my pain, my permanent hyper vigilance led me to exhausting me to put myself on sick leave . I am followed by a clinic in Toulouse which manages chronic pain and their shrink which manages large trauma. It is with them that my post-traumatic stress was identified. Finally someone who heard me ... The course is long, but I have advanced and learned a lot. I understood that my trauma was not settled and that each situation (without being aware of it) which brings me back to this trauma, the spirit sends me signals through bodily manifestations . The trauma or the trigger is a tsunami. Each situation recalling it is a shock wave, a wave. This wave is our emotional memory that suddenly takes over. This wave then sends you alert signals. For me, for 2 and a half years, they have been pain on the scalp, headache of tensions in the face of the exhaustion of an endless psychic struggle, migraines, difficulties in holding long conversations, pain in the neck (the vagus nerve), a feeling of strangulation, an intense fatigue, sensations of imminent death or danger in simple and banal situations. A red stress barometer permanently. A ordeal for oneself and for those around them whether personal or professional.

Is it aware of it allows me to interact? Not unfortunately. The path is still long.

So is a meningioma Benin?! No and a thousand times not . This word should not even be used. Because the trauma left is invasive and devours us little by little.

I want to be able to say to all the victims of meningioma whatever they may be, that there is no small trauma and that any pain is right to be. That being well surrounded is the key to exceeding this test! That a 2nd opinion is necessary, even vital. If we can avoid the operation, we avoid. An operation does not remove post-traumatic stress (in my case) and that any pain is right. Let no one make you feel guilty. We are not guilty of anything, we are victims. Do not hesitate from the start to get help by a psychologist, who will be there to hear you without judging yourself. The entourage can be a support but they cannot and it should not become your only support. The treatment of trauma by EMDR seems appropriate to me and in my case, helps me a lot. Today, we can say that I have advanced a lot. Yes ! What a path traveled. Although this work to advance towards the healing of the soul is exhausting, it is necessary. This is why I insist on being taken care of by a psychologist who is used to managing trauma. You don't have to carry this weight alone. Even if you think you don't need it, you may be just in a dissociation phase. Two and a half years later, of course I am better, rest assured, it takes time, but this time will not be lost time. It will make you stronger, brighter and radiant. Because you will have learned to master the beast that even your neurosurgeon will never master. The beast of course is your mind.

So to conclude, I will finish with these words: talk to it! All the time, as much as you need but talk to good people. With Amavea, you will find women like you, with their own story, who will listen to you, will refer you but who will never judge you.

A big thank you to all those who will read me.

Take care of yourself.